Parent Alienation Myths
I will be posting a short article every week which will discuss myths associated with PARENT ALIENATION.
I know from personal experience how hard it is to navigate through the awful quagmire that is Parent Alienation and obtain suitable help. When I first became aware of Parent Alienation, I vaguely remembered reading articles about it. I had researched it because of a family I worked with. There were 6 children, ranging from 5 to 20. The home they lived in was in a gang-infested territory. The mom was a teacher and did everything she could to save her children from the gangs. The father claimed to be agoraphobic and stayed at home fixing cars in the backyard. This meant everyone had to come to him. The marriage disintegrated when the domestic violence became unbearable for mom. The assigned custody evaluator decided the children were better off with dad because he was the laid back one, and the children felt more comfortable in his home. When I met with the children, they had nothing to accuse their mom of and asked her to remember they loved her. The father called nonstop during the session, yelling threats into my voicemail. The father got custody. To say the mom was devastated is an understatement. She stopped coming to therapy and did not answer my calls or mailings. When I was alienated by my ex-spouse from my children, I naively thought I could show the articles to my ex and because he was a teacher and had experienced not being supported by the principal, he would understand the problem. What I did not understand was his desire to defame me and push me to madness and despair. He said the dynamic did not apply in our situation, and I believed him! I count myself as one of the lucky ones as far as being an alienated parent goes. I found a therapist whose husband is a custody evaluator and they understood the counterintuitive nature of parent alienation. “All is not as it appears”. She did not judge me and she held me while I sobbed out my anguish at losing my daughters and being cut off from almost every friend I had. She encouraged me to use my head and THINK, as opposed to being governed by my feelings. She even allowed me to pay her when I could. There was no fighting in court because my children are older. Watching fellow targeted parents go through the courts, who are wholly ignorant of Parent Alienation, and being victimized by judges who “don’t want to hear Parent Alienation in (their) courtroom”. Yes, I have heard it said more than once. I am horrified by the suffering dished out to targeted parents in the name of justice. Horrified! I believe the movement has progressed. Alienated Parents are able to take expert witnesses to court with them. They can testify that Parent Alienation is alive and well and expose the alienator. Many provide psychotherapy and support in free groups. There are Facebook groups for immediate support and hotlines.
Next week ….. the importance of getting the “right help” both therapeutically and legally.