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Parental Alienation: Understanding the Terms, Concepts, and Impact

Everything you need to know about parental alienation—its causes, effects, and the steps you can take to protect parent-child relationships.

Parental Alienation Defined

Parental Alienation is a form of psychological warfare within families, where a child denigrates and rejects one parent, known as the Alienated Parent, without valid reasons such as abuse or neglect. This dynamic occurs when the other parent, the Alienating Parent, manipulates and brainwashes the child, severing a previously positive relationship.
 

 

Examples of Parental Alienation include:

  • Limiting the child’s contact with the other parent.

  • Brainwashing the child to reject the other parent.

  • Speaking negatively about the other parent.

  • Forcing the child to choose sides or reject one parent.

  • Manipulating or bribing the child to damage the relationship with the other parent.

Characteristics of Dynamics

Alienated Children

Children do not want to choose between parents. Even when abused, children often wish to maintain relationships with the parent and extended family. It is only through coercion by the Alienating Parent that a child rejects the Alienated Parent and extended family.​

 

Alienating Parent

Thrives on conflict, causing the other parent to experience emotional and financial burnout, frustration, and exhaustion.

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Alienated Parent

Often misdiagnosed as pathological due to trauma caused by denied access to their children.

 

Family Healing

A healthy co-parenting relationship requires court support and cooperation from the Alienating Parent.

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Severe Alienation

The protocol includes a 90-day no-contact period between the Alienating Parent and the child, followed by a court review of the Alienating Parent’s behaviour.

Children's Rights

  • The Child has the right to love and express love, verbally and through hugs, to each of his parents equally, free from any feelings of disloyalty or upset of the other parent.

  • The Child has the right to cherish and think highly of each of his parents and the right to be free from any disparagement, negative opinions, or criticism of one parent by the other parent or by members of a parent's extended family and friends.

  • The Child has the right to demonstrate affection to each of his parents in the presence of the other and in the presence of their respective extended families.

  • The Child has the right to describe positively and with enthusiasm his life with one parent to the other parent and the right to expect that this expression will be received openly and warmly and encouraged.

  • The Child has the right to not have to manage the feelings of a parent by demonstrating loyalty or conveying dislike of the other parent or parent's home.

  • The Child has the right not to be exposed to any parental conflict.

  • The Child has the right to be free from pressure or lobbying from his parents or extended families regarding their living arrangements between the two homes.

Children's Responsibility

  • The Child is responsible for dealing with each of his parents fairly, respectfully and with love and affection.

  • The child should not seek to use one parent to intervene or overrule parenting decisions made at the other parent's house.

  • The child is responsible to respect the privacy of each parent's homes.

  • If the Child is exposed to disparagement of one parent by the other or by their extended family, the Child has the responsibility to assert himself and ask that his right to think highly of both parents be respected.

  • The Child is responsible for managing his own behavior in a manner which will support his rights and responsibilities and their parents' parenting plan.

  • The Child has the responsibility to maintain a balanced, fair, and independent attitude towards his parents and to not take sides on any issues with one parent against the other.

Parent's Rights

  • It is the right of parents to direct the upbringing, education, and care of their children is a fundamental right.

  • The parental right to direct education includes the right to choose, as an alternative to public education, private, religious, or home schools, and the right to make reasonable choices within public schools for one's child.

  • Neither the United States nor any State shall infringe these rights without demonstrating that its governmental interest as applied to the person is of the highest order and not otherwise served.

  • The parental rights guaranteed by this article shall not be denied or abridged on account of disability.

  • This article shall not be construed to apply to a parental action or decision that would end life.

Court's Obligation

  • Existing law requires a family court to determine the best interests of a child in deciding child custody in specific proceedings and that an award of child custody to a person who has perpetrated is detrimental to the best interests of the child.

  • For the purposes of a family court determining child custody, an award of child custody to a party who has engaged in coercive control is detrimental to the best interests of the child.

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  • What can be done to stop PA?
    Legal and professional recognition of the problem (e.g., adding parental alienation to child abuse statutes). Funding for research to promote identification of effective assessment, prevention, and intervention programs. Funding for training of legal and mental health professionals.
  • How many children are alienated from a parent?
    At least 3.9 million children in the U.S. are moderately to severely alienated from a parent. Other estimates of prevalence produce similar estimates. More than three times as many children in the U.S. are alienated from a parent than there are children with autism.
  • References
    Bernet, 2010; Lorandos & Bernet, 2020; Warshak, 2019; Harman, Kruk, & Hines, 2018; Harman & Matthewson, 2020;Harman, Bernet, & Harman, 2019; Lorandos, 2020; Marques, Narciso, & Ferreira, 2020; Bernet, 2020; Freeman, 2020 Harman, Leder-Elder, & Biringen, 2019; Baker & Verrocchio, 2016; Godbout & Parent, 2012; Harman et al., 2018; Harman et al., 2019; Lee-Maturana, Matthewson, & Dwan, 2020; Poustie, Matthewson, & Balmer, 2018.
  • What causes PA?
    Abusive parents often use their children as weapons to harm the other parent and manipulate them. Domestic violence researchers call this behavior a form of coercive control. Scientists who study PA call this very same behavior parental alienating behavior. They are two terms describing the same phenomenon.
  • Are there recognized criteria for the diagnosis of PA?
    Yes. There is a great deal of conformity among authorities on PA as to there being clear and discernible diagnostic criteria. These criteria are found in a simple Five-Factor Model.
  • How serious is PA for children?
    Parental alienation is a serious form of psychological abuse and results in the same types of outcomes that other abused children experience: stress and adjustment disorders (e.g., PTSD, anxiety), psychosocial problems and externalizing behaviors (e.g., substance abuse, suicidality).
  • What is PA?
    Parental alienation (PA) occurs when a child aligns with one parent and rejects their other parent for reasons that are not legitimate. This is different from estrangement when a child’s resistance to have a relationship is for justifiable reasons. PA is child psychological abuse.
  • Is research on PA “scientific?”
    Clinical, legal, and scientific evidence on PA has accumulated for over 35 years. There have been over 1,000 scholarly papers published on the topic, and the empirical research on the topic has expanded greatly over the last few years, leading to what has been considered a “blossoming” of the scientific field.
  • How does PA affect alienated parents?
    Alienated parents are unable to get closure and have unresolved grief with the loss of their child(ren). They also suffer from being the target of abusive behaviors of the alienating parent. They have high levels of depression, anxiety, and PTSD symptoms, and many become suicidal.
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FAQ

FAQ

What is parental alienation, and how does it affect families? Parental alienation is when a child is manipulated to reject one parent without valid reason, damaging the parent-child bond and creating long-term emotional harm. How do I know if my child is experiencing parental alienation? Your child may suddenly avoid you, speak negatively about you without cause, or seem fearful or angry in a way that feels out of character or influenced. What are the signs of an alienated parent? Alienated parents often face rejection, false accusations, and emotional distance from their child, despite previously having a loving relationship. How can Dr. Lynn Steinberg help me rebuild a relationship with my child? Dr. Lynn offers reunification therapy, expert guidance, and legal support to restore trust and connection between you and your child. What steps can I take if I suspect parental alienation in my family? Document behaviors, seek legal and therapeutic support, and consider expert intervention like Dr. Lynn’s Four-Day Reunification Program.

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